Feeling is a vital part of a full life. Body is the instrument of feeling.
This article is devoted to some ways to enhance your capacity for bodily feeling through giving and receiving touch. This will in turn enrich your emotional life, help you be more ‘in touch’ with yourself, and foster better communication.
Touching and receiving touch can also help you feel more confident, and contribute to a higher level of social maturity. When you radiate increased self-esteem, you will naturally attract people you enjoy being with.
Part II and Part III of this article series are devoted to diet and nutritional supplements respectively.
Feeling is Healing Optimizing the ability to feel is not just the province of the physically challenged. It is an essential part of living fully - for all of us. In this busy, speeded-up world, we all need to take time to slow down. Thinking is instantaneous, but feeling takes time.
Whether able-bodied or in a wheelchair, you may be very involved with practical matters of everyday life. Such tasks require a lot of mental concentration. It is hard to feel deeply when you are thinking. If you are chronically caught up in the mental gymnastics that seem to be required for our fast-paced lifestyle, you miss out on an essential experience of being human that would bring balance and richness to your life.
Emotional nourishment and a sense of calm are among the rewards of taking time to experience feeling and let go of so much thinking. An easy way to feel more is through touching and being touched.
Feeling involves bodily sensation, whether we are talking about feeling emotions or feeling physical sensation. Emotions are felt in the body, not in the mind. We can trigger an emotion by what we think in our minds; that is true, but feeling an emotion is a physical event. Look at the language people use - expressions such as, ‘he’s a head case,’ or, ‘trust your gut,’ or ‘follow your heart.’
‘Head case’ means neurotic, and neurotic means out of touch with body and feeling. This condition is ubiquitous and is part of the reason for so much confusion in the world today. Body and feeling are like a seismograph in that they detect the nuances in our surroundings that tell us the right direction to go in life. In my own personal experience, and that of many people I know, when I didn’t ‘trust my gut,’ and instead listened to my mental dialogue, I got in trouble. The most highly successful people I know, (and by that I mean successful not only financially, but in relationships and the rest of life), ‘follow their heart.’
Working With SCI People My husband Chuck and I spent several summers on the staff of the Shake-a-Leg program in Newport, Rhode Island. We lived in a dormitory situation with the spinal cord injured and traumatic brain injured participants, and some of the staff. We are grateful for our experience there; we would not be the same people we are today not having lived with people in wheelchairs. Many of the folks on staff, and those who run the program, were in wheelchairs as well. (The able bodied among us willing to take their life in their hands would also be found in wheelchairs during frequent outdoor basketball games).
Chuck and I worked with individuals in the program, providing sessions of a hands-on structural deep tissue body therapy known as Rolfing. Many of the staff members, and those running the program received our work, too.
One of the comments we often received from SCI people who experienced a series of Rolfing sessions was that they were surprised that they were able to feel more of their bodies than they thought they could. SCI folks have been through stressful challenges that eclipse what most able-bodied people experience. It is especially important for them to free up muscle and connective tissue that has gotten ‘frozen’ in ‘survival mode’ from all that stress. We found that almost all the Shake-a-Leg participants gained substantial benefit from receiving hands-on body therapy.
A basic fact is that rigidity and tension in the musculoskeletal system will decrease the ability to feel. Chronically tight myofascia (muscle-connective tissue) impedes circulation of lymph and blood, as well as nerve impulses.
Rolfing, and some other deep connective tissue therapies, are powerful ways to bring suppleness and graceful movement back into the body. Massage can be of help, too.
Rolfing in particular, also balances the tensional forces in the musculature. Whether sitting or standing, we must deal with the force of gravity. If our myofascial system is balanced, gravity will actually support us. If it is out of balance, gravity will drag us down.
A Success Story: One of the young men I worked with in the Shake-a-Leg program (I’ll call him Tom - not his real name) wore a big back brace to be able to sit up in his chair. Virtually his whole upper body was encased in the cumbersome armor of the brace.
Tom’s way of moving was very rigid and restricted, like a tin soldier. The other participants razzed him mercilessly and challenged him to get rid of his brace. He responded with good humor and as many politically-very-incorrect insults as he could think up. (Calling each other ‘cripple’ and a colorful variety of less printable names was one of the ways the Shake-a-Leg participants showed their undying affection for each other).
As the Rolfing sessions progressed, I suggested he do some weight training to strengthen the muscles of his upper back and shoulders. He did. One of Tom’s challenges was that he’d had extensive back surgery, and had a one inch wide scar from the bottom of his spine to his upper back. After establishing more suppleness and mobility in his body in general, it occurred to me to concentrate on the traumatized area of the scar tissue.
One day, I announced to him, ‘We’re going to get into that scar tissue today.’ He was game. I spent a whole half-hour just rolling the scar tissue between my fingers, stretching it every which way I could. I had the feeling that increasing the elasticity in the scar tissue would unlock an important part of his ability to move.
The result surprised and delighted us both. He commented that he had been able to feel me working further down his body than he would have expected. The best part was: Tom was able to sit straight in his chair without the brace for the very first time! He put it back on, and later, at a group meeting of all the participants, dramatically ripped it off and tossed it aside, to the bravo hoots and hollers of his friends. Watching him fling the brace away, I noticed something else: he was moving gracefully - no longer like a tin soldier!
If you have the opportunity for comprehensive deep body therapy, I would highly recommend it. Especially if you are a wheelchair athlete, and like hand-cycling and other sports, you will be pleased with the results. (I also highly recommend the Shake-a-Leg program, by the way. Great people, lots of fun, physical therapy, athletic training, and many outdoor activities including sailing, ocean kayaking, swimming, and wheelchair racing).
If you don’t have access to professional body therapy for financial or other reasons, (and even if you do), I would highly recommend learning some simple massage techniques to share with your SCI and able-bodied friends. With a little practice, you can learn to massage each other’s arms, legs, necks and shoulders. (Just be careful when you work on your friends’ legs, since they can’t feel if you are working too hard). Chuck and I commonly included peoples’ legs in the treatment to help improve circulation. If you wish to find a Certified Rolfer in your area, look up the Rolf Institute in Boulder, Colorado.
A Challenging Issue One agenda that may arise when you contemplate the idea of giving and receiving touch is that you want to avoid thinking about your body. You have been through a huge trauma involving the body, and it is a major challenge to not only come to terms with it, but to go on and triumph. Even more challenging is to open to accept and love your body.
One way to start is to look at what you do like about your body and to encourage yourself to allow a feeling of gratitude to arise. Notice what you like about how you look and the sensations you are able to experience with your body, and you will not only improve your outlook on life, but your health as well.
This doesn’t mean you should deny troubled feelings in favor of being positive. That also is limiting, and besides, it’s not honest. Being honest with yourself about how you feel is one of the most important things you can do. Allow yourself to feel all your emotions, but do remind yourself to enjoy the good ones.
One of the people who ran the Shake-a-Leg program was a beautiful, slender, athletic woman with a ready smile and bountiful sense of humor. She was in a wheelchair, but somehow when I was around her, the chair seemed to disappear. I remember a scene from Shake-a-Leg staff orientation weekend the second year I was there. After leading the discussion all afternoon, this woman sat up taller in her chair and announced, ‘Meeting is over. Have a great evening, everyone. I’m going scuba-diving!’ My jaw dropped open a bit, and I had to admit to myself that I had some pretty proscribed notions about the capabilities of people in wheelchairs.
I was honored to have the opportunity to give this woman a Rolfing session later on in the program. She was preparing for a biathlon - hand cycling and a mile swim - and only one of her arms worked really well since she was partially quad!
She loved having her body touched, and was warm and physically affectionate with her SCI and able-bodied friends. Not only that, but she was optimistic and self-confident. This woman took pride in her appearance - her hair and skin glowed, she dressed nicely, and sat tall. She saw herself as an attractive woman, therefore everyone else did, too!
It wasn’t long before a handsome able-bodied man fell in love with her. I hear that they are happily married.
I share all this in the hope that you aspire to a similar level of self-esteem. Loving your body and living in it as fully as possible is part of that journey.
Share Massage With Your Friends Touch is a vital part of our social make-up. I encourage you to learn and share healing touch with your SCI and able-bodied friends. If you don’t have access to massage instruction, use your imagination and practice with your friends. Ask for their feedback (and ask them to give you some massage, too). You could even have a party where everyone exchanges massage with various partners - make it a social event!
It is empowering to give and receive massage. And healthy, too! Massage promotes relaxation, endorphin release, better circulation, and leaves you feeling more ‘embodied.’ You don’t have to be professionally trained to give a great massage. In fact, some people with natural ability give a better massage than some trained therapists!
Touch is so important, a great way to nurture each other and strengthen emotional bonds. Enjoy!
“If you ever get a second chance in life for something, you’ve got to go all the way.” - Lance Armstrong
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