A friend of mine said to ....Brian, you like women, but you do not go after them sexually.... This got me thinking about my sexuality. Not so much my orientation but rather my outlook on sex and my sexual behavior.
I do not consider myself disabled. When I was ten I had a viral infection that knocked my sight and hearing and balance and coordination out quite significantly. Having a bit of everything I have never fallen neatly into one or the other groups catering for people with challenges. I have always stumbled onwards attempting everything
So it came as a surprise that my sexual motivations were questioned. I guess coming through adolescence pretty much isolated by my hearing and sight problems I always looked at sex as what other people did. It was something to thought of and even desired but it was something that I really knew would not happen to me. It seems I have established an inferiority complex. There is something in me that says you can look but not touch, For a lot of my friendships with women this works wonderfully well. I can have a very deep and meaningful relationship with out the need for sex to even be considered.
There is also the issue that if you can/t see you just can not chase it. You can not read the others body language. You do not see the others smile.So there is a barrier built up over time and the secret desires remain secret desires and to bring them to the surface in any form or other is very difficult.
The important thing to remember is that everyone is a sexual being. Only now do I realize that I have doubted this for almost my entire life. Only now can I recognize it. It will not go away though as it is very much part of who I am. But I can push at the boundaries that have restrained me and understand a little more about the big wide world.
Brian lives in Australia, as close to his ex and two boys he can in order to be the best dad he can be. He is a professional massage therapist and a bit of a writer/poet and a big coffee drinier.