To Go Dutch or Not to Go Dutch When Dating

Ian C. Langtree - Writer/Editor for Disabled World (DW)
Published: 2009/02/12 - Updated: 2024/08/25
Publication Type: Informative
Topic: Disabled Dating Advice - Publications List

Page Content: Synopsis - Introduction - Main

Synopsis: The general dating rule of thumb is the person who is doing the asking out should pay whether they be male or female. A good tip for men is to simply listen to the woman. If she offers to split the bill, try to determine how serious she are about wanting to do so and if she objects to you paying, let her share the cost.

Introduction

In the past, the answer to that question was easy to answer: the man. But in the past, gender roles were rigid, to the point that they were oppressive, so you should you still honor traditional chivalry? Do women like it when men foot the bill? As a woman, should you offer to pay? These are tricky issues for the disabled and non disabled alike, so let's take a look at the proper etiquette on a first date regarding money.

Focus

So you just survived a first date and with flying colors too!

You were nervous about exploring those disabled dating services but you've now overcome any hurdles you had as a disabled single. Now for the real challenge... who is responsible for the bill

Do women like it when men foot the bill?

As a woman, should you offer to pay?

These are tricky issues for the disabled and nondisabled alike, so let's take a look at the proper etiquette on a first date regarding money.

The rule of thumb is the person who is doing the "asking out" should pay, whether they be male or female.

However, with a lot of people looking for dating online via a disabled dating service, etc, this is not always easy to determine... sometimes two decide to meet and it's difficult to say who initiated the relationship. However, if there is clearly one person who is asking to take the other person out, the answer to "who should pay" is clear as day! This person should also find out if the restaurant, movie theater, park, etc, they are planning on taking their date to has proper accommodations for their disability, if necessary.

Once the first date is over, both people can share the financial burden as they please and it will be a lot easier to discuss what they personally feel to be appropriate.

A good tip for men is to simply listen to the woman. If she offers to split the bill, try to determine how serious she are about wanting to do so and if she objects to you paying, let her share the cost. This may actually win you points, especially if she is a strong feminist! Other tips include flipping a coin to see who pays and taking your date to places that won't cost money, like the beach, etc.

So, what have we learned about disabled dating etiquette

That men and women, with or without disabilities, have the very same concerns about money. The bottom line is if you are a man or a woman and you asked your date out, you are most certainly expected to pay. Otherwise, on a first date, it might be a good idea for the man to offer to pay and then respond to the woman if she insists on splitting the bill or covering it completely.

Author Credentials: Ian is an Australian-born writer, editor, and advocate who currently resides in Montreal, Canada. He is the founder and Editor-in-Chief of Disabled World, a leading resource for news and information on disability issues. With a global perspective shaped by years of travel and lived experience, Ian is a committed proponent of the Social Model of Disability-a transformative framework developed by disabled activists in the 1970s that emphasizes dismantling societal barriers rather than focusing solely on individual impairments. His work reflects a deep commitment to disability rights, accessibility, and social inclusion. To learn more about Ian's background, expertise, and accomplishments, visit his full biography.