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Relationships and Fidelity Issues

  • Date: 2018/08/20 (Rev: 2018/09/20) Thomas C. Weiss
  • Synopsis : Communication that is both open and honest is the key to any relationship and certainly in regards to fidelity.

Main Document

Fidelity is something that is important in any relationship. It is an indicator of the value and trust both partners place in the relationship. Fidelity; however, might mean different things to different people. There is no right or wrong definition, as long as both people in the relationship agree on the terms and then honor those terms.

Where some people are concerned, ‘fidelity,' could mean never even flirting with someone else.

Others think fidelity means having sex with someone else is just fine as long as both people in the relationship are aware of it. People have their own beliefs and expectations of how their particular relationship should be. For some, couples and open relationships works well even though other people would never contemplate the idea.

The perspective you have in regards to fidelity is fine, just as long as your partner is pleased with it as well. Do not feel the need to be defined by the beliefs of others, or worry that they will think less of you. The thing that really matters is how you and your partner define fidelity together.

Open Communication

Communication that is both open and honest is the key to any relationship and certainly in regards to fidelity.

If you do not communicate about the subject, find out what limits each of you have and then set boundaries – someone will most likely wind up getting hurt. Everyone enters a new relationship with their personal beliefs and many times expect their partner to think the same. Unless you ask your partner, you will never know. If your own ideas are far apart it may take many heart-to-heart conversations to reach a decision you will both be happy with. Respecting your partner's beliefs is important and if you think you are unable to honor those beliefs be prepared for the relationship to end.

Infidelity and Rules Between Partners

Silhouette of two lovers kissing on a beach at sunset.About This Image: Silhouette of two lovers kissing on a beach at sunset. No matter what rules are involved in a relationship, if your partner breaks those rules you will be left feeling angry and upset.

Finding out about an infidelity can be very heartbreaking and it is very hard to re-build a sense of trust between you. After a betrayal, a person might decide they are unable to continue with the relationship. Even if you leave your partner, attempt to understand why it happened because it will help to ease the pain and to help you move forward in life. If you remain in the relationship, there will be a great amount of difficult work ahead of both of you. Eventually, you will be able to put it behind you. Infidelity is a painful experience, yet many couples have come out of it not only stronger but more determined to make the relationship work.

If one person in a relationship cheated it might make a person want to reassess their feelings on fidelity.

Maybe you want to tighten the rules, or maybe you decide that it was the lies that hurt and an open relationship would be better for the two of you. Infidelities that happen because the boundaries were not clear or it was a gray area may cause resentment and confusion. Despite whatever new thoughts you might have concerning the relationship, it is important to discuss them with your partner. As a relationship matures and grows it also changes and it is important to maintain open communication with your partner. There is no set standard for fidelity and definitions differ between:

  • Ages
  • Cultures
  • Religions
  • Individuals

No matter what you and your partner decide, ensure that you are both happy with it. Do not agree to something simply to please your partner because it will eventually lead to heartache and pain.

Trust and Relationships

Many people talk about being in love, although their idea of love may be very self-serving.

Real love is a two-way street and sometimes it requires avoiding or giving up things that would harm your partner. If you have decided to commit to your relationship, you cannot allow that commitment to be thrown away at the first temptation or difficulty.

Trust is a very large part of love. Trust is something to be cultivated and valued in a relationship. Trust takes time to develop because you open yourselves to each other and expose the most secret parts of your hearts over a period of time. Trust takes a long time to build, but it can be destroyed in mere moments.

In a relationship there are few things that are less loving than betraying your partner's trust in you. It is a line that should not be crossed. If you do not feel able to commit to a framework of fidelity that both of you agree on, you have to make it clear to your partner from the very start. Doing so makes sure both of you have a clear idea of what lies ahead in your relationship.

If you have made the commitment to fidelity and then break that commitment it is a betrayal of the deepest kind. A broken sense of trust can take a very long time to repair and while your partner may forgive you right away – there will always be doubts that linger in your partner's mind. It may be extremely difficult for your partner to completely trust you again.

Temporary Sexual Gratification

Even though the person you met somewhere may be incredibly appealing and the temptation to cheat with them seems nearly irresistible - bear in mind that shallow sexual gratification is very short indeed. While it might feel good at the moment, it is built upon little more than hormones; the good feelings will fade away rapidly.

A loving and committed relationship in which partners have invested their hearts and souls is much more valuable than a quick roll in the sheets. Such a relationship is not something to risk light-heartedly.

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