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Gadgets and Gizmos

  • Published: 2009-09-14 - Contact: Roly Clulow
  • Synopsis: Staring at the ceiling I was suddenly aware that there were numerous flashing lights before my eyes.

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Last week I woke up at what seemed to be the middle of the night to the realization that we are all fast becoming slaves to the latest technologies of gadgets, gizmos, thingys (dingesses to some in South Africa) glowing lights in an array of colors, beeps, buzzes and a cacophony of other indescribable sounds.

Last week I woke up at what seemed to be the middle of the night to the realization that we are all fast becoming slaves to the latest technologies of gadgets, gizmos, thingys (dingesses to some in South Africa) glowing lights in an array of colors, beeps, buzzes and a cacophony of other indescribable sounds.

It was around 5.30am when I was awakened by something that I could not quite place. Was it a noise? Was it a light? Was it a mosquito? No man, it wasn't Superman either!!!!! It was my wife's cell phone.

It was switched to silent mode but the vibrate alert was still active. I could see this in the surreal green glow emanating from the digital clock, alarm, tape, radio thingy that is situated on a shelf above the bed.

The phone was dancing across the bedside cupboard like a drunken ballerina, flashing its screen light angrily while vibrating hollowly with the sound being amplified by the near empty cupboard.

You see - we have this very dear friend who is evidently an insomniac, who insists on getting the most out of call more time by sending any messages at the crack of dawn, probably to ensure that we get them before we get too busy answering the calls of nature and all the other alerts.

Now wide awake staring at the ceiling I was suddenly aware that there were numerous flashing lights before my eyes. I felt my forehead to see if I was running a temperature, pinched myself to ensure that I was not dreaming, closed my eyes tightly to see if I could still see these lights and to my astonishment they went away. So I'm not sick I thought. I wondered what was wrong.

The dog moved and the alarm's passive movement detector's red light switched on, stayed for a while then switched off. The electric mosquito repellent gizmo glowed owlishly, the multi plug switches glowed red which showed that all the other appliances were switched on (one was blinking. "I must get it fixed") the TV showed me that it was in power save mode, when suddenly a strident noise pierced the silence to inform me it was time to get up.

Shower time with my pulsating shower head then to brush my teeth with my electric tooth brush, shave with my new wet/dry electric shaver whose red light is flickering to tell me it needs to be charged. I plug in the charger and behold, there is another little red light to add to my collection. Once dressed, I sit in my wheelchair. Now I don't feel so vulnerable. Bring on the lights and buzzes!!! I can handle them now.

I switch on the power chair and yes you guessed it. More lights. This time they are red, orange and green. With many clicks and squealing of tires on the polished floors, the control panel on the chair showing me I'm in 2nd gear, I'm off to the kitchen.

I switch on the stove to make the jungle oats. More red lights glow at me. The timer (in the shape of an egg) rings, the microwave pings, the kettle light goes out and switches off the fridge clicks on and it's red light shines. Now that I have run the gauntlet of lights and sounds I can have my breakfast.

Now, to get to the lounge I had more alarm passives to get past on the way. In the passage the alarm panel shows that the alarm has been on guard all night. The TV in the lounge with its light showing that power save mode is on, the DVD, MP3, CD, Radio/tape thingy flashes the time, while the computer hums malevolently in the back ground with its numerous lights flashing and the on screen calendar showing my day's appointments while beeping at regular intervals.

By this time I am too nervous to face "The Car" because it has beeps for reverse, buzzes for lights left on, peeps for open doors and angry beeeeeeps for seatbelts not used. An array of lights in various colors but mostly red or orange that only a person with a B.GizGad degree in gizmos and gadgets, like my son, can decipher.

Hi everyone my name is Roly and I am a gizmoholic and I last bought a gizmo yesterday. I know I need help but the temptation is so great.

There are shelves full of gadgets, gizmos thingys and dingesses in every shop I go to. Please help.

We at GOGGA demand of all manufacturers that indicator lights be abolished and that all appliances and cars be de-bugged or they should pay for our rehabilitation at the Center for the Gizmo-Challenged. No more buzzes, beeps, rings, peeps, toots, pings, bongs, tinkles and rattles or flashing lights or little lights that change color.

I and my fellow gizmoholics' sanity is at risk. We cannot have our inter-galactic and Martian visitors coming to this country for the 2020 Odd ball world cup where they could be exposed to these little instruments of torture.

To join the group, please see our web site www.GOGGA.org.outerspace or e.mail nutcase@gizmochallenged.org.int or come to visit me. Maybe you can help me get out of this strange jacket that these people insist is the latest fashion.

It holds your arms in the crossed position with sleeves that strap to buckles at the back.

I must end now. The ringing in my ears and flashing lights have started again. I know that they are coming to get me but I won't succumb I promise. @#$%^&*&^(%$()#@!!!!!!!!!!!!!








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