Finding Balance in Aging

Introduction

Ever since I was a little girl I've enjoyed the feeling of picturing myself as an older woman. More specifically, I'd imagine myself as a wise older woman with a smile, an approachable kindness, and a life alone in the woods. I would push myself in that direction. No rush, of course. I like enjoying all the states I'm in while I'm in them. But I would imagine my older self with a happy anticipation. Interestingly, I never imagined myself feeling older. Now, as I'm enjoying my 50th year, I am noticing that the feeling older is something worth paying attention to. No, I do not want it as badly as I want to look older, but I also do not want to hate it. I want to allow my age while I push in the direction of feeling great in my mind and body. I want the privilege of being older and I want to embrace it holistically. Which means celebrating the appearance, cultivating the wisdom (which my little girl self, with her lack of wisdom, had assumed simply happened when you got old), and focusing on the way I feel.

Main Item

My focus on how I'm feeling is to better understand others and to have more of those spectacular, "Oh, now I get it!" moments I continually crave. I freaking love stepping into a new understanding.

Also, though, it is related to my desire to be an active participant in my own evolution. I want to feel myself age while I explore what that means for me, and while I challenge what it could mean for me. I want to be strong in my refusal of certain elements while being brave in my acceptance of others. I want to decide where to be strong and where to be brave as the evolution continues. I want to do this in real time, not predetermined. Not unthinking. Unaware. Unkind.

It is a valuable skill, knowing how to both accept and push against. My mom exampled this fantastically with my autistic siblings: they were to be accepted and allowed to be themselves while also pushed in healthy directions, growth, and skill acquisition. Each of my mom's children (there were eight of us) were unique. Which meant there had to be flexibility and understanding of where one could be pushed while another ought to be accepted. We grew up in a home that knew we were all equal but not the same. We knew not to judge each other for which skills we chose to work on, which feelings we insisted on finding, which challenges we chose to accept and rise to meet.

It was an environment I was ever so lucky to grow up in. It wasn't easy, we were not universally appreciated and - in fact - were most often persecuted. It is not common to think kids as weird as my brothers should be accepted and accommodated for. It is not normal to think of them as equal to others and worth the time it takes to consider them equally. But mom did, and she insisted we all did (I admit it, I often did not want to, neighbors and schools never did), and along the way we learned how to accept and allow where it seemed healthiest and to push for change or raise the bar where it seemed best.

As I'm aging I'm doing something similar. In the world I see people deny age, fight it, hate it. I also see it being used as an excuse or as something to surrender to. I do not know what areas I will allow and what areas I will push against, I am not in a position to judge where or how others do it. I am simply noticing and making decisions for myself, for my own aging. So, yes! I will allow age to settle on and within me - not that age was asking my permission. The little girl in me claps with appreciation over how far we've already come and bounces with excited anticipation over what awaits. (Although she might be a little disappointed at how long it's taking the wisdom fairy to give us our old lady wisdom magic.) As I allow I will also insist. I will insist on pushing toward my own version of how age feels in my body. Push, but also allow. Allow, but also push. Because I am old I am wise enough to know this is worth doing.

Author Credentials:

Tsara Shelton, author of Spinning in Circles and Learning From Myself, is a contributing editor to Disabled World. Explore Tsara's complete biography for comprehensive insights into her background, expertise, and accomplishments.

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Cite This Page (APA): Shelton, T. D. (2024, April 19). Finding Balance in Aging. Disabled World. Retrieved September 19, 2024 from www.disabled-world.com/disability/blogs/tsara/age-balance.php

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